He gets more and more amazing every day, and I still can’t believe he’s mine (and Dan’s) to keep.

So anyway, on to the title content: I found a website where you could track a name’s popularity over the last 100 years or so. I put Damien’s name in out of curiosity, then I realized you could add another name to compare them, so I added Damian.

I’m not sure if I’ve included the whole name story here, but here’s a recap: from the time we started dating Dan and I knew we liked the name Damien for a boy. After we got pregnant I bought a baby book and we went through the entire thing, only to discover… we couldn’t really agree on a name other than Damien. Well, that was easy, right? That’s what we assumed, until we realized we were having a little misunderstanding – Dan assumed the spelling was DamiAn, and I liked DamiEn. (Obviously I won lol, but only because I made a bunch of crafts with that spelling on it. Also probably because he was such a pickypants about the name choice that I deserved something easy…)

As it turns out both are valid spellings, but I was at least a little validated to discover their popularity isn’t THAT different:

Not sure if there's no information on the 2000's, or if this is just a really unpopular name these days...

Then I got curious and decided to look up the various forms of my name. Laeci, of course, didn’t exist, but here are the rest of ‘em:

Funny that the closest to my name is the least common...

So apparently my name was popular in the ’70′s but not really at any other time… lol. Oh well, I like having a unique name. :)

Wow… I kind of can’t believe it’s over (well, almost… technically I have three more days, but I’m really doubting anything significant is going to happen.) The time didn’t exactly go fast (except for the past two weeks which have flown by!) but it seemed more, I don’t know, cohesive than other years – everything flowed together. Or maybe I’m just crazy and sleep-deprived. On to the review.

My beautiful little family <3

Highlights:

• The obvious one: meeting (and getting to know) our beautiful and amazing son, Damien Isaac. In fact, I’d even say being pregnant for most of the year was a highlight… weird, I know, but I like being pregnant. (The gestational diabetes, however, I could do without.)
• Dan getting a job, and in graphic design too! (Technically his degree is in product design, not graphic, but we were just happy he got a job in the art field and didn’t have to stock shelves at Walmart or something.) (Which may be what I’m doing in a month so I shouldn’t knock it, lol – see below.)
• Being able to work at the high school I used to attend – unfortunately my job ended in December due to budget cuts so I’m now on the lookout for a new job (well, I will be when I’ve recovered a bit more from Having A Baby), but it was fun while it lasted.
• My sister moving back to town – I know this isn’t necessarily a highlight for her (it’s not exactly a happening place, lol) but I love having her closer :)
• I would be remiss if I did not mention that 2011 was the year I FINALLY (oh holy crap after 10+ years of trying FINALLY) beat Minesweeper on Expert. Sure, it’ll never happen again, but once is enough.

Lowlights:

• We experienced a lot of loss this year. In January I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks pregnant, which was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m actually experiencing a lot of the same emotions now after Damien was born, because now I know how a pregnancy can equal a real baby, and it makes the loss even more real. On the other hand, it’s hard to reconcile the idea that if that baby was born I’d never have Damien… but I think I can love them both and wish there was a world where they could both exist.
• We also lost my maternal grandfather (died the day before Damien’s baby shower) and Dan’s aunt (died on Christmas eve), and in both of those situations the awful timing contributed to the pain of loss I’m sure. I feel bad that neither of those very special people got to meet Damien, and it’s hard to imagine that they’re not around anymore. Obviously we’re still dealing with this and will be for awhile.
• General angst and anxiety from still living at home/not being able to provide for my kid/not being a real family/etc etc… my goal for 2012 is to improve on this!

Fun things:

• Overnight trip to Mt. Shasta for Valentine’s Day with Dan (and Ripley, hehe – we stayed in a KOA so she could stay with us)
• Went to several Giants games in San Francisco
• Trip to Arcata for Dan’s and my 3rd anniversary/our ‘babymoon’ (I was 20 weeks pregnant)
• The first time we heard Damien’s heartbeat (at 11 weeks)
• Seeing Damien for the first time at 13 weeks, and finding out he’s a boy at 19/20 weeks
• Baby shower! (It was co-ed and fall themed and 10x better than any shower I’ve ever been to – thanks family!)
• Is it crazy to put giving birth as a fun thing? But, in a way (a stressful and painful way), it kind of was.
• Thanksgiving wasn’t anything to write home about, but Christmas was fun

Songs that remind me of 2011:

• Three Days Grace, “World So Cold“
• Seether, “Country Song“
• Evanescence, “What You Want“
• Korn (feat. Skrillex), “Get Up“
• Bush, “The Sound of Winter“
• SheDaisy, “Baby Mine” (lol @ the link, it’s the only version they have on YouTube! And it doesn’t play the whole song either… but you get the idea)

Favorite new things watched:

• The X-Files… every season, plus the movies (I am more fangirl about this show than I have been anything since perhaps high school, lol – just a decade or so late!)
• Dexter season 4 (and I just bought season 5 for $15 at Target, so now I just need to make Dan watch it with me!)
• Waking the Dead (a BBC-produced cold case show with great characters)
• Buffy seasons 1-4 (I get really obsessed with watching, get burned out, and get back to it a few months later
• Witchblade (the anime version – LOVED this show, and since I watched it while pregnant the end made me cry)
• The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo/The Girl Who Played with Fire/The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest (I LOVE Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth and am a little hesitant about the American versions, but will give them a try. I really like Daniel Craig so that should help.)

Books read: See this list, which isn’t complete (especially for November/December), but it’s the closest I’ve ever came to keeping track to what I read in a year. Next year, I’m afraid, the list will be significantly shorter – I always vowed I wouldn’t be THAT MOM who never read, but holy crap, it’s hard to read with a newborn who constantly needs your attention, and when he doesn’t, you’re so sleep-deprived you can’t focus on anything (or there’s something else you need to do.) That said, my MIL gave me a Nook for Christmas, and I’ve found I can sneak a few minutes of reading in during night feedings (when I’m not playing Sudoku or checking my email…) Though paper books will always be my first love, e-books may be my saving grace as a reader and a mom.

Goals for next year:

• Be the best mom possible to Damien :) (and the best wife possible to Dan, too!) (and pet-parent to my furkids) (you get the idea)
• Become more self-sufficient – even in a crappy economy, you can only live with your parents for so long…
• Find a job of some sort, to help with the whole self-sufficiency thing
• Take a few classes, so I can 1) finish my degree (FINALLY) and 2) not have to pay back my student loans!)
• Experience as many new, fun things as possible!

Damien got his first major holiday in really soon – at 9 days old, in fact. He slept through pretty much all the festivities, but he was really cute doing so!

On Christmas Eve, Damien went to church for the first time. He decided he absolutely HAD to eat the second we put him in his carseat, so we were a half hour late, but at least we made it! :) (We’re discovering that being a half hour late is being on Baby Standard Time.) A lot of people were excited to see him, so it was worth it, even with the shortened service.

Family picture after church - check out the tiny Uggs! *squee*

That evening we went over to Dan’s mom’s house to celebrate Christmas with his side of the family. Damien’s great-grandparents and great-aunt were there too, and we enjoyed yummy food and presents together. Dan’s mom spoiled me wayyyy to much with a Nook Tablet – seriously, I don’t think I’ve even ever handled such an awesome device. I absolutely love it already! :)

Back at home, my family opened one present each (it’s our family tradition) – I got adorable nursing PJs, and Dan got a DVD made by my little sister of Damien’s birth pictures and videos set to music. It was super sweet and will probably make me cry every single time I watch it (even when I’m not as hormonal/exhausted as I am now, lol!)

Damien 'helps' Dan unwrap his DVD

Christmas morning, I woke my boys up (they both wanted to sleep!) for stockings and presents. We really get into stockings in my family so that was fun. My sister had to work that night so we expedited present unwrapping a little bit, but we were all so exhausted I think that was a really good idea. I had already unwrapped my ‘big’ present – my awesome glider which I’ve already spent many hours in! – but was surprised to also receive a 4″ memory foam mattress cover (to make the little sleep I get as comfy as possible!) and a membership to a local museum/garden/mini-zoo combo (I’m soo excited to take Damien… and, okay, myself!) That evening we went back to MIL’s to watch The Grinch.

Damien is very interested in his stocking, lol! PS I crocheted him this blanket, when I was pregnant and bored!

Now for some cuteness… Damien’s collection of Christmas outfits (yes, we all went a little overboard!)

Baby's 1st Christmas sleeper, from Grandma Marcia

Santa's Little Helper outfit, also from Grandma Marcia (featured: Damien's true love, the Boppy Newborn Lounger)

Back of the Santa's Little Helper outfit, hehe

My Auntie Knows Santa onesie, from Auntie Kaeli

My First Christmas onesie, from Great-Grammie (my paternal grandmother)

And finally, an adorable reindeer sleeper from Auntie Kassi - this one was a Christmas present

This actually isn’t even all of his Christmas outfits – he also has a Merry Christmas penguin onesie (which I bought from the 99 Cent Store, lol!) and another Baby’s First Christmas sleeper (from Great-Grama, my maternal grandmother.) Oh, and two Baby’s First Christmas bibs (one from Grandma Tracy/Uncle Kyle, one from Auntie Kaeli)… PLUS his newborn picture outfit, which while not specifically Christmas-y, is still pretty winter-y.

OMG he's so tine-tine! Damien, one day old, in the hospital

The sad thing is, I really don’t want another December baby – sorry Damien; you’re the best accident ever but if I was planning it I’d choose a different birthday for you – so we’ll probably never use these outfits as hand-me-downs. (Unless we end up with a small November baby… or a REALLY small October baby… but yeah, probably not.) Oh well, he was cute enough to make ‘em worth it, even once! :)

four days old, in mommy's lap

Damien was born Friday, Dec. 16 at 5:34pm, at 8 lbs 6 oz and 19.5 in.

He is absolutely amazing and I’ll post more when I get the chance! :)

• Took a nap with my cuddlepuppy <3 (…the first nap I’ve been able to take in a verrry long time, due to an extremely full house and general business, stress, and all that fun stuff) (and yes, Ripley actually cuddled with me! Like a stuffed animal! I think that’s maybe the third time she’s actually stayed in my arms for any length of time, rather than fleeing to the foot of the bed as soon as I let her go)
• My family brought home a Christmas tree (they cut it up in the mountains while I was napping, heh), and it’s now decorated and surrounded by gifts (that I’ve been storing on the changing table for weeks, lol – they’re much more appropriately placed under the tree)
• Went to Target with my sisters, and almost peed my pants laughing on several occasions (I hold the lack of pants-wetting as a point of personal pride, being as I am nearly 40 weeks pregnant)
• Ate the most delicious sugar-free brownies ever (thanks Kassi! They really are amazing, and totally as good as the real thing!)

I’ve been reaallllly struggling the last couple of days. I think pregnancy hormones have dramatically reduced my patience (at least I’d like to blame in on that!), so when something comes up that would frustrate me anyway, I am REALLY FREAKING FRUSTRATED. In addition, I decided to be an overachiever and get postpartum depression done early, so in addition to being frustrated I feel like I got run over by a semi, both mentally and physically (although to be fair, the physical pain is probably less depression and more being nearly 10 months pregnant.)

I won’t go into detail over All the Crappy Things That Are Happening, because that won’t help, but their effects are undeniable. For example, I’ve gone from being a model gestational diabetes patient to losing my glucometer and not even checking my blood sugar for days… and not caring. (Well, caring as much as I can when I’m depressed, and if you’ve ever been depressed you’ll understand that.) Also, at my last doctor’s appointment my nurse practitioner theorized I’d probably go into labor within the next two days, because I had all the signs of labor (minus painful contractions/water breaking) and I was dilated, effaced, etc. Well, that was five days ago and I’m still very pregnant. I think all the stress made my body decide that now wasn’t a good time to have a baby, so I just wasn’t going to do it. (And honestly, I was okay with that, because no one wants to have a baby when they feel like crap and can’t even get excited for it.) (And also when a bunch of people are stressing you out in various creative ways, but that’s another story altogether.)

Today I have a (brief) respite from the situational stress, so I’m hoping I can convince my body to feel better, because this isn’t fun anymore. Christmas is in fifteen days, and my due date is in five, and it would be so much better for everyone if I wasn’t in a homicidal rampage/depression-induced lethargy for either.

Ants often come into our house when it’s raining, but we normally find them in the bathroom or occasionally the back bedrooms, which are closer to the yard. Today, though, I discovered two huge ant infestations in the kitchen (which is obviously way more disgusting due to the food), with nary a raindrop (or even left-out food) as explanation. I killed all the ants I could find, then did it again a few hours later, then did it AGAIN, and finally gave in and put out ant traps. I hate ant traps because the problem gets worse before it gets better, even if it’s a more permanent solution than, say, attacking them with 409 (which at the very least is satisfying.)

I was dealing okay when the ants were just in the sink/counter area, but then I noticed they were getting into the pantry cupboard too, and that’s when I really started to lose my ish. (That’s my veggie curse word. I’m practicing for baby!) I had to get rid of several food items (well, they’re in a bag outside the front door because it’s 1am and I don’t feel like walking ALL THE WAY to the outside trash can) and cleaned off a bunch more, but I’m kind of afraid to look back in that cupboard after the ant trap is out. Ewwwww ants…

I think part of this insanity may be due to lack of sleep – I’ve lost the ability to sleep more than two hours in a row, and usually it’s more like one hour. I’m used to waking up to pee, and as annoying as that is at least I can go back to sleep afterwards (although I must admit to more than one night wishing I had a catheter, which is pretty screwed up.) The big issue now is that I am sooo freaking sore. My hips and back, they are broken. Not BROKEN broken, but really loose and ready to let a baby out, and while I’m thankful for that I really miss the ability to sleep. I’ve officially built myself a Pillow Nest, without which I would not sleep at all, ever, so at least there’s that. Still, that explains why I fell asleep at 9pm totally exhausted and woke up at 11pm to do more battle with the ANTS OF DOOM.

Were it not for the sleep thing, being nine months pregnant wouldn’t be that bad. Sure, I move about as slow as a comatose turtle, can’t fit through small spaces, own absolutely nothing that covers my belly (even maternity clothes!), and have to talk to strangers constantly (and then hear about their best friend’s sister’s cousin’s traumatic birth story)… but it’s not the horror show that the rest of the world seems to think it is.

Right now I’m 38 weeks two days pregnant, with really no indication I’m going into labor any time soon – I think the baby wants to be born in March. Because of my gestational diabetes I’m pretty sure I’ll be induced on my due date, which is Dec. 15, which is in 12 days, so the March thing clearly isn’t happening. But honestly, I don’t feel THAT different than I have all third trimester, and would happily be pregnant for awhile longer were it not for a few nagging details (not sleeping, for example. And the inability to eat anything delicious – aka carb-y or sugar-y – is REALLY getting old. Methinks one of baby’s first trips out of the house is going to be to Cold Stone!)